well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She's the barista slut.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
