you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
