glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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