He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I need a burrito and a hug.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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