I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize