new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
