A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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