im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
