Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
