i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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