there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
