Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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