So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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