I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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