she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
