he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
