Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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