i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
