i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
im calling her cock vulture from now on
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
