Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
