she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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