And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
