it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
