I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
