Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
