Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
