At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
