Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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