I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
