I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
