Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
