seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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