You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
