Do you still have your period?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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