Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
two words: eviction party
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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