You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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