well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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