My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
