Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
