I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
