Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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