he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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