Me too!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
