dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
