Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
