Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
