I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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