Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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