Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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