i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize