All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
