No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
