I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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