considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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