I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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