It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
