he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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