woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
