I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
