if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
