I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
