Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize