I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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