Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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