We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize