Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
