I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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