guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize